| Hey, Jupiter?! |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|01:06 am] |
Here's a question which has been keeping me bothered for some time now.
Hey, dear ladies, just what kind of aliens are you? Where the hell have you come from? Venus? Jupiter? Or maybe the fucking Alpha Centauri?!
'Cause you're definitely not the same species. The disguise is not bad, sometimes even an eye candy, but you can't hide your true alien identity, no!
Come on, no need to deny it now, I've figured it all out! :-)
P.S.: Just don't take it too seriously :-) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2008|02:16 am] |
Surely, life is a gamble. Nothing's fully predictable. Sounds cliche, until you experience it yourself and see it's true.
Can't predict where you lose something and where you find something else.
Takes some effort to realize what's more valuable, though. Sometimes we just find much more than we lose without even understanding it.
And is a shattered illusion really a loss? Probably not, even though it does not make things easier.
But the border 'tween illusion and the real thing is sometimes too hard to see with a naked eye.
With a blinded eye it's even harder.
P.S.: If you're tired of such emo-ish stuff, try looking at it as a language practice. Don't wanna lose the edge, you know. |
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| Mess |
[Jun. 17th, 2008|02:32 am] |
Once again, feels like my mind is totally messed up. Even after a decent long weekend and an even longer ride, I just can't bring myself to the state of mental equilibrium. I'd say I've been brain-damaged too seriously and don't have even a faintest idea of how long it would take me to fully recover.
Despite the wounded beat of my fractured heart ©, I'll look into the future.
Even though the past is still dragging behind me, making some names unbearable to hear.
Even though I'd like to kick several people out of my friend list (ye-eah, I know this blog's friend list is empty, you chodes!) because reading all their pink-colored crap is like a rusty sickle to my balls.
Even though I've banned some certain songs from my playlist, because each note is like a freaking needle.
Even though I still...
Yeah, right. |
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| Oh, I'm so emo tonight! |
[May. 3rd, 2008|05:30 am] |
At nights like this I get sure that there is nothing worthier of believing in than the road ahead, and the headlights searing the nightly gloom, and the wheel in your hands, and four wheels under you.
The road embraces you, it guides you, it helps you and heals you. It speaks to you silently. And once you become one with the road, no trouble will be able to take you down.
Still, I wish there was some kind of memory eraser. A single stroke - and you forget what you want to. How convenient it would be... |
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| ... |
[May. 2nd, 2008|01:07 am] |
Something's definitely wrong with me these days. Can't say what's the exact reason.
But come on, if I want to be alone for a while, why can't I? I've made some plans, and why should I change them? And just when least of all I want to talk and get bothered, I get bothered and talked to. Come on!
And just when I think a good ride will calm me down, there's that 2-hour-long traffic jam. Now, that was the trigger. If my trunk was empty, I'd have turned around and driven back home. But it was filled with stuff I had to deliver, so I clenched my teeth and rolled on...
That night I had some freaked-out dreams, and... Oh well. Maybe I should have calmed down and forced some friendliness out of myself. But I did not. I just thought, to hell with it, turned back and stepped on the gas.
It didn't help me to calm down, though. I shouldn't have left in such a way.
Sorry, I know it looks like some crazed ramblings. On working days things seem to be pretty much OK, but on weekends and holidays something just gets goddamn wrong. Hope time'll fix it.
And just one more piece of advice. Don't cry while driving. It's not good for the view. |
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| Wind at my back |
[Apr. 20th, 2008|01:09 am] |
There are times when it feels like a black hole's opened up somewhere in your soul. An emptiness threating to swallow you whole.
Then suddenly you see a familiar face in front of you and a hand reached out to you. And when you take it, you feel the warmth, and the lightness. You feel you're not alone. You feel like you're needed.
I just wanted to say how grateful I am to those who help me out in times of trouble with their words and their smiles, and their advice. I'm really grateful to all of you, for even your presence makes my life better. Truly, you are the wind at my back.
If I've ever said or done something wrong to you, please forgive me.
Thanks for everything, friends! |
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| No_subject |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|02:29 am] |
Oh, hi again!
Long time no see, eh?
It's been more than a freaking year, oh me gawd!
Still, It's good to see you're all alive and well. Alive and kickin' in fact.
Much has happened since I last posted here. I've seen dreams come true and illusions fade away. I've felt really happy and broken, too.
But what's most important, my hope's still here with me, guiding me to the never-fading light at the end of the tunnel. So, everything's pretty much okay now, no need to worry. It's just life, as someone once told me.
Things seem to get better now, in many ways but I won't say more, just in order not to scare off the luck.
A good skill to develop is the ability to walk tall out of any difficult situations. The further ahead, the better the things are gonna get. That's the way it is, even though sometimes it's hard to realize it.
See ya again soon! |
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| Almost gone |
[Dec. 30th, 2006|04:10 am] |
Either you bury the old year in a grim grave of oblivion or just simply bid it farewell with a smile, it's your choice and in the end it does not change a thing - one year is giving way to another. What's old passes away, what's new takes its place just to pass away as well when the time comes. I'd say, 'everything that has a beginning has an end' but that quote has already been recited so many times that it seems pretty lame to repeat it again. Is it not obvious anyway?
This year's been like a border to cross. It has changed me in many ways, and that's why I'll remember it for long. Yet, no matter what I am still what I am. Everchanging and yet unchangeable - that's what we all are.
Some dreams have come true, and that's good. Some illusions have been torn to shreds by reality, and that's not really bad, 'cause 'the truth still remains', you know.
Everything is like it should be, after all. Life keeps flowing on.
The coming new year will be a year of greater success, a year of luck and a year of hope undying. Why not, eh?
Seven is a good number and wonders never cease.
Good luck to you all. Keep the fire burnin'. |
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| Unique? |
[Dec. 8th, 2006|03:27 am] |
Unique, my ass!
Hah!
You know, I'm a part of the fucking society. I'm a drop of that biological goo called 'population'. I'm a brick in the wall, god damn that metaphor.
I'm a part of that slimy, constantly-moving mass that calls itself 'people'. I'm a fucking average man, a man in the street.
Compared to the others I am nothing.
That damned inner world of mine does matter only for my tiny self. Come on, nobody else gives a fuck about it.
Look at yourself. Just come closer to a mirror and look, damn you! What do you see? Please, don't mention that shit about a whole world within the depth of your eyes or whatever. You may care for this world of yours. Maybe someone else cares. Maybe even I care. But nobody else. You're a mindless part of the mob for the vast majority. Do you look into someone's eyes while making your way through a crowded subway station? Do you care for the feelings of the other drivers that are stuck together with you in a traffic jam? No fucking way! They are all dumb asses for ya.
And so are you - for them.
You may shout as long as you want, how unique and intelligent you are, how sharp your mind is compared to those sheep led to slaughter. You even may be true. You are unique, yeah. And each of these fellas around you is just as unique as you. They all want to live, they all consider themselves the pillar of creation.
But you guys are from the same flock. You, who spoil the paper writing poems and novels. You, composers and performers of music. You, who claim to be fucking great analysts. You, who reject the authorities and stereotypes. You, who claim to think with your own brains (but do you really?).
YOU. ARE. THE SAME!!!
You are the men in the street. I don't have time to look into the eyes of each of you. I don't have time to explore your inner world, 'cause mine is big enough.
I don't care.
See? No matter how unique we are, we're just faceless bricks-in-the-wall for each other.
So, fuck your unique-ness. Keep it to yourselves. We're the same after all... |
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| Finally... |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|01:31 am] |
Sorry for screwing your brains with this topic but...
You know, you were right when you told me, I'll realize it just when it'll come. Now it has come. I believe it has, at least...
Seems like I'm in love.
Neck-deep.
Gives me the creeps, actually. Makes me feel like a fucking schoolboy.
And it seems I'm such a goddamn coward, 'cause I can't tell it straight and write it down here instead. That's despicable. But if not here then I don't know where and how and when I'll be able to say that. Sorry. |
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| Come to think of it... |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|01:57 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Blackfield , "Blackfield" | ] |
Some more love-related ramblings from me. I won't mind if you call them bullshit and scroll the page further. Still...
Seems like the biggest love-related problem is actually saying 'I love you!' to somebody. You say that - you prepare to face the consequences. And the most important of them is that you automatically take responsibility for what you've said. But there's a creeping fear somewhere down below...
What if you say "I love you!" and then you realize you were mistaken? That there was no love, and you were just confused for a moment. That you were too hasty. And you'll have to answer for your mistake, for such a mistake is a great one.
And again, I'm confused. Fuck that. Shit. |
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| Open |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|02:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
I keep much within myself. I should not. I should let it all go but somehow I can't. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to make that one final step, open my mouth and say all that's on my mind and in my heart. I'm afraid and it means I'm living a lie. Damn me. I do understand I'm living a fucking lie but fear overcomes reason. It holds me, it clutches me, and the final step remains undone, and my mouth remains shut.
But hey, I'm not made of fucking rubber, I won't be able to keep too much within my goddamn self...
Damn. Damn_damn_damn... |
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| ... |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|12:25 am] |
It was a great day. A day I'll never forget. I have to thank someone for it... You know who you are. All the best to you, stay well, good luck, and may your joy and the light you shine on those around you never cease!
This day has made me think about many things. About things I should say and do. Find some courage in myself to say and to do.
It has made me think much about my own life. About how I should go on living.
About how I should treat those around me. About how I should open myself to those around me. About what I should not hide.
About how goddamn thin is the line between childhood and adulthood. About how people's lives change just in a single blink of an eye.
About how strong a bond is friendship. About what really is love.
It was a joyful day, yet somehow I want to shed a tear. But boys don't cry, do they? Even if it's tears of joy...
Thanks again!
Best wishes! |
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| Four creepy letters... |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|02:19 am] |
I do not like to talk about it but I feel that somehow I have to. I'm kinda stuck on solving this mystery...
Hey you who read my miserable ramblings, maybe you could help me? Maybe you could tell me what the hell is love? What the hell does falling in love feel like? What the hell is all this stuff about?
I'm confused and I don't know what to think and what to expect...
You, who don't like hearing about love-related stuff in blogs, I tell you I'm sorry. I don't like such stuff in blogs either. But I've got no one else to ask, do I?
Man, I do sound pathetic... |
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| WWW |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|02:05 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Blackfield, "Pain" | ] |
The Internet obviously does change people. But... No, not exactly. People change other people via the Internet.
Friendships are born over the Internet. Sparks of love are ignited over the Internet. Some even become enemies via the Internet.
Some say, it's a bad tendency. People should meet and communicate in person, they say, not by sending text messages to each other.
I say, why not? After all, it's still only about people. Those you meet over the net can change you and your life, sometimes even completely. It works. Why not then? |
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| Seeing with the eyes of the others |
[Jun. 30th, 2006|01:53 am] |
The more I think about it, the more I believe that most of the problems in this world occur because of the lack of understanding and the ability to look at a situation from different points of view.
When one sees things only from one's own point and does not even give a damn about the views of the others not wanting to considerany alternative solutions, it leads to a conflict.
Sometimes it is helpful to be stubborn but always being stubborn will cause difficulties. If only we could understand others properly and come to a compromise... But this is already sort of a utopia.
--------
And another thing. While watching movies during the episodes when a character wants to say something really important but hesitates you usually react like "Oh, c'mon, just say, dammit!" And then this character gets shot or hit by a car or whatever and dies. During the rest of the movie the remaining characters try to find out what that dead guy wanted to say and you think "Damn, if only he said it before he died!"
That's pretty common, no?
And then when you suddenly need to tell someone something really important yourself, you usually hesitate as well, say lots of unnecessary words before getting to the point... In such cases you often look like an idiot.
It's easy to judge the actions of others, isn't it? Judging your own is a bit harder.
Let's have a pity for the dead guy from the movie. Maybe he was doing his best... |
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| On my username |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|02:04 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Porcupine Tree - Buying New Soul | ] |
For those of you who wonder what does "four_motion" mean I'll reveal the mystery.
4motion is the name for the four-wheel drive system used in Volkswagen's Passat and Passat Variant cars.
There is no hidden meaning behind it. I just liked the word. |
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| Smile! |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|01:33 am] |
Come to think of it, nothing is better to shield one's feelings than a smile. Once you smile, everyone else thinks everything's okay and won't even try looking beyond that smile.
Even if a needle of pain is poking you inside, smile happily. A kind of acting actually yet... not only will it make others feel better, but also your own troubled self. That is true, however, when the smile comes from the heart... A bit of paradox here (a happy smile from a troubled heart? Sounds weird indeed!) but what's our life if not one big paradox?
Smile, damn you! |
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| In Soviet Russia your car drives you... |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|01:49 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Porcupine Tree - Last Chance To Evacuate Planet Earth Before It Is Recycled | ] |
Hpmph. Seems like the only one who does not ask any freakin' questions, does not demand anything from me and does not mess with my fucking inner world is my car.
Cars are better. The next best thing.
Damn. |
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